Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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