And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
