i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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