my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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