Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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