Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
