I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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