I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
