it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
