my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
