In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
