i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
