that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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