I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize