So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
