No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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