"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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