We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
