We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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