hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
