the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
