Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
