I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
PANTIES FOUND
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