Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
