I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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