I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
