I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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