im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
