I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
