somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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