can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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