Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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