She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
