my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
