So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
