I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
