Just cropdusted the office
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
