Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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