He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
