No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
