You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
