Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
