If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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