I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
