Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
