I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
