i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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