just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
