Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
