xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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