You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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