Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
