I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
