I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
