I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
