Got a toothbrush?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
