Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
