Ambien. No doubt about it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
worst night to have a conscience
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Two words: nipple clamps
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