he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
